Note No. 4 // Building Courage to Belong to You

August 27, 2024

Hello friends!

I missed the original deadline I set for this article…oops.

But, there are two good reasons for this slip:

My first idea for this note missed the mark…it felt forced and lacked a clear theme. I made the hard call to trash it and start over from scratch. Sometimes the best path forward requires a willingness to veer off the planned route.
Missing my deadline seemed a worthy trade-off for some last minute adventures to Kyoto, Japan and Busan, South Korea. I promise to share stories and photos soon!

On to the idea of belonging…

For the past three weeks, I’ve been living in Japan’s third-largest city, Osaka. Japan is a breathtaking place, and even more so during cherry blossom season.

Yet, despite the beauty and flocks of locals and tourists jockeying to see the blooming pink flowers–I’ve felt lonely and out of place. It’s a sentiment that’s become all too familiar, even when traveling with friends.

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These feelings aren’t new. I’ve struggled with loneliness and belonging most of my life. Growing up, I was a quiet and reserved kid. I never quite fit in—whether with friends, on hockey teams, or in group projects—I always felt like an outsider.

Even now, as a nomad for nearly six years, I’ve lived in all sorts of places. I’ve connected with amazing people all over the world. And I’ve been fortunate enough to experience more than most people dream. But I still wrestle with belonging.

My current struggle here in Japan led me to read Brené Brown’s book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone–maybe there will be some ideas that could point me in a new direction.

I made it, maybe, one chapter into the book when her definition of true belonging hit me like a ton of bricks:

“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness.”

― Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

How could I belong anywhere if I don’t belong to myself first?

I love this definition. It creates space to belong anywhere, as long as you believe in and trust yourself.

My first trip to Europe actually opened my eyes to this definition of belonging–even though I didn’t know it at the time. Although I visited friends in Oxford, England and Malmö, Sweden, I navigated all the travel between on my own.

On the transition from England to Sweden, I passed through Copenhagen, Denmark. My initial plan was to land and immediately hop a train to meet my friend in Sweden. But last minute, I decided, why not explore one more city?

I instantly felt at home in Copenhagen. Everything from the Danes’ love of design and hygge to the beauty of the city’s architecture and waterways felt comfortable. I didn’t know a single soul, and I don’t speak the language, but I felt like I belonged.

The biggest reason I felt so at home? The belief and trust in myself to navigate a new city with a language foreign to me–and the confidence that came along with acting on that belief. It was the perfect recipe to experience true belonging. (Plus, I could geek out on design at Designmuseum Denmark.)

That experience in Copenhagen opened the flood gates to a journey of self-discovery through travel. Any opportunity to discover more about myself–joining groups of strangers to travel the world, solo roadtrips, and even solitary retreats in the Austrian Alps.

It’s not always an easy road, but every experience built my practice of believing in and belonging to myself. I even reached a point where friends would ask me how I managed to do so many things on my own, ‘don’t you get lonely?’

Learning to believe in myself and enjoy my own company combat the loneliness. It allowed me to belong no matter were I was or who I was with.

Until I read Brené Brown’s book and started to write this post, I couldn’t figure out why I felt so lonely and out of place here in Osaka. Somewhere in the last year, I lost touch with my practice of self-discovery and self-belief. And it’s muddled my sense of belonging, so…

Challenge for us all:

I’m committed to rediscovering my path to true belonging and invite you to join me.

Let’s start with one small act to strengthen our belief in ourselves—it could be as simple as reading a chapter from Brené’s book or taking a moment alone to reflect on your journey.

I’m committed to a series here about rekindling my practice of believing in and belonging to myself–my practice of true belonging.

What will you commit to? Share your thoughts, and let’s explore this journey to belong together.

Have a great week!

Becca

P.S. I’ll leave you with one final quote that Brené Brown shared in her book:

“You are only free when you realize you belong no place–you belong every place–no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”

Maya Angelou, quoted in by Brené Brown in Braving the Wilderness

P.S.S. Big thank you to my close friends and family who create space for me to belong. The hard days are easier now because of you (and you know who you are.)